"My brain and loins have yet to bring me a moment of peace."
A man wrote to me recently on a kink site. The conversation was lovely: enticing, curious, intelligent, funny, warm. When he realised I am a professional, he hesitated. He was looking for connection, he said, not for a professional.
He then wrote: "Also I have zero judgement or preemptive thoughts about you or your character because you're a sex worker. My stepsister has been a prostitute for two decades now. We're best of friends."
The way he spoke about her is so sweet and shows a man with an open heart and kindness, two very hot attributes in my books. Having been rejected by my family for being trans, I'm a strong believer the world would be a better place with more people like him.
And it sparked this post because his reply highlights the common misconception that all sex work is the same.
Same industry, different business
Comparing prostitution and what I do as a premium escort is a little like comparing McDonald's and Noma, the famous restaurant in Copenhagen. Both are in the food business. But it is not the same business.
McDonald's feeds millions of people every day, everywhere in the world, quickly, reliably, at a price almost anyone can afford. It is one of the most successful businesses on earth, and there is nothing to look down on in that.
A restaurant like Noma is tiny in comparison. A single dinner can cost fifty times more. Nobody goes there because they are hungry. You go for the artistry, the mastery, the attention to every detail, and for an evening you will remember for the rest of your life.
It is not better or worse. It is different. Different people go there, for different reasons.
No judgement, ever
Let me be very clear: I have deep respect for every sex worker. Prostitution is honest work, and many women and men do it with care, courage and kindness. I simply do something else, in the same way that a chef and a burger chain both feed people without doing the same job.
Sex work is not one thing
"Sex worker" is one word for a whole world. Putting everyone in the same box is a little like calling every person who works with food "a cook". It is not exactly wrong, but it erases the craft of each one, and every one of these crafts deserves its own respect.
Here's a very short simplified summary. Note that even here, I'm generalizing because in each category, there are many subcategories, styles and expertise. Not all restaurants are the same, like not all private cheffing is the same.
- Prostitutes offer sex, simply and honestly, often in short and clear meetings.
- Escorts offer time and company: a dinner, an evening, a weekend, with intimacy inside that time.
- Dominatrixes lead rituals of power, control and surrender, with real technical skill, and many never have sex with their clients at all.
- Content creators perform for the camera with a team to record and edit.
- Cam models create live, intimate moments through a screen, often for a loyal community.
- Dancers, pole dancers and strippers are athletes and performers: rhythm, strength, and the art of the tease.
- Erotic masseuses work through touch, in calm and in silence.
- Voice and phone workers seduce with nothing but their voice, and some of those voices could melt you.
A little confession about massage
I once did a trial at an erotic massage place, where I both received and gave the massage. I was good at the massage itself. But I didn't get the job because my personality didn't fit the job. The whole place is very quiet: very little talking before, very little after, and calm and silence all the way through. And I have a big personality. I love talking, asking questions, getting to know the person in front of me, and I would have needed much more time to talk with each client. To be honest, I would have talked during the massage too 😅
It reminded me something important: each specialty asks for a different personality and skills, and none of them is easy.
What I actually do
My work is less about sex than it is about people: psychology, trauma healing, emotional wellbeing, and connecting the somatic experience of sex with intellectual and spiritual growth. A date with me begins long before we meet: with your answers, your wishes, the questions I ask you. Then comes dinner, conversation, the rituals we choose together, and only then, when you are truly at ease, the intimacy. Sex is part of it. It is not the whole of it.
The connection paradox
Here is the funny part. He wanted connection, not a professional. But connection is my profession.
When you look for a psychologist, a lawyer or an accountant, you want a professional and you want someone you have a connection with. They're not mutually exclusive.
What you pay for is not my body. It is my time, my full attention, my presence, my discretion and my care. There are no games and no hidden expectations: we both know why we are there, and that honesty is exactly what makes real connection so easy. Strange as it sounds, many men tell me they have never felt so seen.
If your brain and loins never leave you in peace
When he wrote that his brain and his loins had yet to bring him a moment of peace, I smiled and answered: that is exactly what I do. I bring them together, gently, for a while, so that both can finally rest.
Something to try
- Think of the best meal of your life. What made it unforgettable: the food, the place, the company, or the way you were looked after?
- Read: The Art of Receiving and Giving by Betty Martin. A wise little book on the difference between taking, giving and truly receiving.
- Ask yourself: what is the difference, for you, between being satisfied and being nourished?
