This October I went to Venus Berlin, the big erotic fair, with a dear friend of mine, a dominatrix. That day I was her sissy: a collar, a leash, locked in chastity, and dressed as cute as I know how. We were strolling through the halls when a man stopped us. He was full of compliments: we looked amazing, he was so impressed. I asked him what he did, and he told me he made amateur films.
Then his face changed a little. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realise you had a dick. That's not really my cup of tea."
I answered without missing a beat: "It may not be your cup of tea yet. But every good cup of tea starts with a tea bag." My friend burst out laughing. She could not stop. "How do you come up with this?" she asked me, still laughing. And just like that, the awkward moment was gone.
Why I did not take offence
I am used to people being surprised by me, uncomfortable, sometimes even unkind. I could have been hurt. I chose to smile instead. Over my many lives I have been a business coach, a strategy consultant, a designer of learning programmes for companies, I have run a small boutique restaurant, and I have spoken in public and on television. All of it taught me one thing: when tension rises, humour lowers it. A smile turns a wall into a door.
My work today is about intimacy and comfort. I make people feel at ease, even, and maybe especially, when they did not expect to be.
An acquired taste
Think about your very first sip of tea. Black, strong, a little bitter: most of us did not love it. Then one day you try it with milk and sugar, or you discover green tea, or jasmine, or rooibos on a cold evening. Suddenly you understand why so many people love it. There is a tea for every mood and every moment.
Saying "I don't like tea" after one cup is a little hasty. You have not tasted them all. Desire works the same way. Many things we come to adore did not seduce us at first: good wine, strong coffee, olives, oysters. Some pleasures need a little time, a little curiosity, and the right person to pour them.
The tea bag
And yes, a good cup of tea needs time. You put the tea bag in hot water and you let it steep, gently, until the flavour comes out. You do not rush it. That is exactly how I like a first time to feel: no pressure, no hurry, just enough warmth and patience for something new to reveal its taste.
If you are a little nervous
Many men who write to me admit they are a little stressed before our first meeting. That is perfectly normal, and it is sweet. You do not need to be sure of anything. We will talk, we will laugh, and we will go at your pace. My job is to make you feel at home, and I am very good at it.
Something to try
- Think of something you disliked at first and now love. What changed: the taste, the moment, or you?
- Tonight, make a tea you have never tried. Let it steep a little longer than usual, and notice how the flavour opens.
- Ask yourself: is there a desire you have ruled out without ever really tasting it?
